Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Reeling from rudeness and soaking up gratitude or post # 622

Do you ever say something without thinking?
I try very hard to filter my thoughts and not blurt out everything that comes to mind.

I had a rather awkward moment with a co-worker who blurted something very unkind and embarrassing to me.
It was said in front of 5 other colleagues and I was so embarrassed that I looked around the room from face to face to see if anyone would come to my aid.
No one did and a couple of people laughed....
perhaps nervously?

I wanted to bolt out the door and run.
My legs would not move,
I was gobsmacked,
and stuck at a loss for words...
Struck Dumb!

The event re-played in my mind throughout the day and into the evening.
Only silenced by watching TV,
The Batchelorette season opener with lovely daughter.

This morning a couple of my colleagues who had overheard the comment approached me and asked how I was feeling about it and apologized for not supporting me at the time.
They felt badly.
Now that I have thought things through and discussed the rude event with others I feel a better sense of clarity and have some time and much needed perspective.

The speaker of the unkind words has a checkered past history of doing this with almost everyone on staff.
I am relieved that I am not the only target of these nasty barbs.
(security in numbers!)

made by darling daughter
to add to the box of toys here for the lovely Miss Isla.

Who by the way brought sunshine and light with her on Mother's Day visit. 

Patterns are few and far between in my wardrobe.
I have several dresses in patterns which I wear to work, for errands, shopping and dining out.

this dress has a wrap feature built in
chris cross over the bust

I am knackered tonight
 my day has been fraught with autistic uncertainty
some days are like that.
I have been full on
so I am putting my feet up 
breathing deep Yogic breaths
making mental notes about all the things that I am grateful for...

Mr. HB drove up island today to see a lucrative client
he had the top down on his BMW 
and after clocking many kilometers is home safe.
Hi Honey!

Pepper was in a cuddly mood when I got home so I have had lots of kitty cat love
I have leftover roast beef and am making beef dip tonight with a salad
easy peasy...

The sun is still shining and it's light outside
I have a great book at my bedside
(The Post Mistress)
we have fresh running water
the house has a roof
it's warm
I am alive

I work with some pretty amazing people 
we have fabulous kids at school
I love my job.

How was your day?


  1. Oh,Hostess, what a nasty thing to happen. I felt your upset through your post and I understand it completely. How could the others have sat back and done nothing? That is as bad as the nasty remark. I hope by now that you are feeling safe and nurtured at home with your husband and cuddly cat. As I used to tell my children, nasty people are lonely people and often strike out at the ones they perceive as having what they want. Your satisfaction with your life, your happiness and the fact that you are loved by a loving family may have been what prompted the jealousy that fueled the nastiness.
    I'm working on the mainland this week and longing for home, where there is still a terrific amount of work to be done before the 26th.

    1. I feel relieved that I did not retaliate. I think my nature as a peacemaker prohibited me from speaking.
      Taking the high road not to fight fire with fire.
      That wedding sate is getting closer, you must be getting excited!

  2. I'm afraid most work places have someone who is a rude insensitive nasty dimwit.
    My experience was with a female co-worker who seemed to enjoy picking off staff one by one. We all enabled her to continue this outlandish behaviour to a certain extent because the overwhelming opinion was to not lower our own standards to match hers.
    One day she started on me and I replied with a rather witty retort and after this episode she avoided me. I disliked having to do this Hostess but I was ready this day and was determined not to be caught off guard. Eventually she had everyone off-side and I was left with the conclusion that she was a thoroughly unhappy, miserable piece of work. It is disheartening to try and befriend a person such as this because often they are beyond embracing and maintaining friendships.
    Please try not to take the remark to heart. Your co-workers were probably stunned and did not wish to inflame the situation. Laughter can be a nervous response to an unpleasant remark.

    1. Today I feel so much better.
      My co-workers have been super and everyone that was in the room has come to me individually and said how dreadful they felt on my behalf.

  3. I imagine that most of us, even when we try to avoid it, have said something we later regretted. I see it happen in college classrooms daily and I am always curious to watch the classroom dynamics that control it to a certain extent. I know when I have had my awkward moments, I will frequently apologize to the party I have hurt afterwards. Does this co-worker ever do that?

    1. I know that I have said things that I should not have in the past and learned a very valuable lesson.
      Mother insisted that "if you can't say something nice say nothing at all!"

  4. IT sounds as if you have pretty wonderful life hostess.
    In this part of the world rudeness or a kind of harshness is sort of an everyday occurrence, Scots are very straight by nature and not at like Americans and I often find myself hurt as I'm very sensitive, you have a wonderful safe bolt hole, hole up and be good to yourself.

    1. My life may sound wonderful because I am an optimist and I feel immense gratitude. It is a very ordinary life. I can assure you that I have problems and challenges. I choose not to dwell on them.
      I have never heard of a safe bolt hole before...I like that phrase!
      Don't forget I married a man with serious Scottish blood...
      the warring Campbell and McDonald clans are his ancestors!

  5. Oh Hostess pity your colleagues did not speak out on your behalf at the time,maybe it would have made the person making the horrid remarks think more carefully in future about what she said.

    Hope your HB pulled off the lucrative deal!

    You have a lovely home,and family....'fishes' are sweet and their feeling are easily hurt....big ((((O)))) Ida x

    1. Mr. HB has the contract...
      you are right ida, we are sensitive creatures.

  6. It stings when we are ambushed with unkind or snarky remarks. Your colleagues were, most likely, embarrassed and annoyed with themselves for allowing it. You, however, showed both generosity and kindness by not striking back. Bravo for being kind to the speaker! And Bravo for being good to yourself at the end of the day.

    1. As it turns out you are right on both accounts.
      Welcome to The Humble Bungalow I am so glad that you popped by and left a comment.
      I see that we both read the same blogs!

    2. Reading blogs is a relatively new experience for me and I am enjoying the contact immensely since I retired. Love yours! Have a wonderful day!

  7. I feel bad that someone could be so unkind to you . Today will be an awesome day , it's beautiful and sunny and a long weekend is on the horizon. A (((BIG HUG ))) to you . Donna

    1. Donna
      we are having such great weather!
      Hooray the long weekend is on the horizon and I plan to plant the seeds in the garden.
      What are you going to be doing?

  8. I agree with Kristien62: while our instincts say "stand up for yourself!", this may lead to an escalation of the commentary which will leave you on permanent defense. While it's hard to be kind and generous, those are your instinctive characteristics so it's not that hard of a jump for you to maintain your dignity and poise even though your heart is breaking. One may counter the bullying co-worker with, "If there's something you would like to discuss with me, I'd be happy to talk with you in private. But I really don't think that kind of comment is appropriate in front of others. Shall we chat?"

    Cuddly Pepper and a hot, yummy dinner that's good for you are just what the doctor ordered.

    1. It's funny that you should say talk to her in private because I did before this latest episode.
      She had been very verbal about some of my habits so I asked her what it is about me that bothers her and she just looked at me and did not answer.

  9. a rude comment says so much about the person who said it. it has nothing to do with you. really, i don't understand why people choose rudeness over kindness. you are a kind person and i hope you can get over this. it is not easy but i have faith in you leslie. xo janet

    1. Janet you know exactly the right thing to say...
      thank you.

  10. A raised eye brow or two would do in those uncomfortable confrontations followed directly by squinting over the specs (should there be) and a gentle cocking of the head to better understand concluded with lowering of the chin. Just as our Mothers did, not a word spoken. The power is ALL your's...

    1. I have been on the receiving end of those exact looks!
      Mother could have my back!

  11. Seems like there's a epidemic of this going around in recent weeks. I've noticed that people seem edgy, angry, rude a lot. And so much road rage in Los Angeles too. I'm home with the flu, and sort of happy to be holed up for a bit. Hope you're feeling better about the incident by now. So sorry.

    1. Kathy I'm sorry to hear that you are under the weather. Cocooning is good when you are ailing.
      I hope you have a good book or a chick flick to take your mind off your illness.
      Thank you I am feeling supported today after my colleagues have come to me and told me how awkward a moment that was for all of us.
      Very happy that I did not say anything I'd regret.
      Take care and get well soon!

  12. There are all kinds of people. And that´s the fact. Maybe the person, who splashed her rudeness to you, has the habit of pouring her own bad feeling over other people whenever, whatever.
    Your co-workers could join together and make a stop to that. They could organize together and announce, that rude behavior is not accepted in your working place. You might call a meeting on.
    I can only imagine your feelings after the incidence.
    I´d suggest you gather together and talk the thing( s ) through. Invite the rude person along to the second meeting and make it clear, that behavior like her´s is not accepted!

    1. For now I am going to let things die down and should she ever speak rudely to me again I plan to be very polite and point out that we as a school body do not condone bullying and that she is behaving like a bully and if her behaviour continues that I will take it to my superiors.

  13. I feel for you Hostess, I am going through something somewhat similar at my workplace - dealing with toxic entities who make you a target, just because they are jealous, angry, whatever. I do feel it is important to stand up for yourself, but do it in a way that garners respect, not further hostility. Blessings to you!

    1. Sorry to hear that you have been a target in your workplace.
      I hope that you can find a way to work through this and that the bullying stops.
      By allowing bullies to stomp on us we are enabling them...
      next time my co-worker attacks me I am going to call her on it, politely and calmly. If that does not stop her I plan to take it to my superiors.
      We report bullies in our school so why should a staff person get away with it? We are role models after all.
      Good luck to you.

  14. Am also interested in why no one said, "Hey, that's not nice!" Is there a passive culture at your workplace? Was the manager present? If so, part of his or her responsibility is to tell the person this kind of behaviour is out of line. I don't mind people being blunt, but if the remark crossed the line into personal attack, it is unacceptable.

    I am not sure saying nothing is such a good response as this kind of person just thinks he or she can get away with it again and again.

  15. You're right Duchesse, she seems to "get away with it " all the time.
    Next time it will be a different story.

    My colleagues have figured out what they would have said if they had had their wits about them!
    Next time we will all be more prepared.

  16. Ah hindsight is always 20/20. I have had to arm myself with clever and superior retorts. The best one is " I can work on changing that, but you can never take back that ugliness/nasty words"

    If this is unacceptable behaviour in the workplace though, she should be held accountable for her antagonising conflict/bullying. even though sometimes we feel that we can tough it out, I do believe that sometimes we do have to formalise complaints to prevent future occurrences to other vulnerable staff. So maybe a formal complaint is neccessary. In my education organisation, staff can be put onto an improvement program for having a bad attitude, as one of many performance based outcomes. At the end of the timeframe(10 weeks) if there is not enough improvement then they can be dismissed. I hope you can get some end put to the nastiness, it undermines everyone's wellbeing.

  17. Your reaction is right in line with my daughter's feelings.
    Some organizations are much more prepared to deal with this kind of problem but unfortunately ours is not one of them. I don't feel alone or unsupported nor do I feel vulnerable. I have a sense that she won't try this again with me.