Three months...and the journey continues...

Last March 3rd, on my 62nd birthday, Mother passed away.
It has been 3 months and I still miss her so much.

Everywhere I go...I am "with her" and she is "with me."

Mom was so much a part of my life,
and in retirement...a weekly friend who would join me for teas, lunches, shopping and coffee. We shared books, laughter and love.

My daily walks, which were curtailed upon her demise.
Load of work to do on the estate, but mostly because
I passed by her condo on my walking route
and I felt so sad walking by...

Most days, before Mom died, I would stop in for tea and a chat after my walk.
so naturally,
walking past was just too emotional for me.

Many times I would start to walk only to turn around and return home.
Then I took to driving to other areas of town for my walk but this felt too weird and why drive the car and use the gas?

Three months in...
the bulk of the estate has been seen to...
mom's condo has sold and her personal things have been dispersed among the family and those not wanted, were donated.

It has been a big challenge and I have dug deep for strength.
With support from my husband and friends... I am grateful.

I returned to Yoga
to increase my flexibility and for stress relief...
The deep breathing and calming poses help.

I have gained a few pounds.

Recently a call came in from Hospice offering me some counselling...

I cried while I was on the phone and said 

"Thank you,  I am OK"

I have been eating "comfort food"

too many salty crunchy chips!

(my weakness)

They call it comfort food for a reason!

I gave myself a stern lecture.

It is time to get back on track.

The roses are blooming, the sun is shining and my walking route awaits...

Mom would not want me to be sad.

So I have been walking along my favourite route and am looking at the building where she lived and remembering...

with a few tears mixed in with the salt air and sunshine.

Behind my sunglasses no one can see them.

 My week is ticking along...

watching the scale slowly reflecting the results of my efforts.

Pepper is looking longingly out at the birds.

She would leap out the window and try and catch one of the birds if she only could...

Lunch after my walk.

Tea with a 2 egg omelette and a small salad.

The daily 5km walks are not quite happening yet

4kms each day is my current goal...

The roses blooming in The Humble Bungalow Garden 

are helping to brighten up my days. 

It is going to take me some time to get totally "back on track"

to my desired weight.

In the meantime we plod along and try to make the best of things.

Grief is not predictable.

Frankly it frequently startles and surprises me.

Thank you for stopping by...

Hostess

Yoga and Grief...

I am not at all surprised, at my age,
that there are still many things that I can learn...
or perhaps relearn
what I had thought I already knew.

In the quiet moments of reflection
sitting still

open
to absorb

adopt
new and healthy habits.

I do not hesitate or tarry
the desire to act is strong.
The rewards great...

Yoga has re-entered my life...
it has been a wonderful tool to help work through the grief.

Several women from the over 50 Yoga class have recently lost their Mothers.
I over heard them mention that have been also dealing with estate duties and grieving...it is easy to strike up conversation and compare notes and share tips.

Physical flexibility is slowly returning
stamina
stalled by recent events
is coming back.

Sleep has been deeper and more restorative.

Yoga practice
"with intention"
spills over and permeates the daily round.

The benefits are well worth the time spent at the studio.

Feeling more energy with fewer aches and pains has been a welcome change.
One that has pleasantly surprised me.

Looking at life with positivity and Joy...

fewer tears
renewed faith
comfort...

Letting go...

Maintaining peace and perspective in times of turmoil...
staying calm when all around you
life is noisy and speeding by at a rapid frenzy.

Breathing deeply and being totally aware 

living in the moment.

Being mindful of how stress can rob the body of its resilience.

You are at risk of getting sick in body, mind and spirit.

The regular practice of Yoga  

has re-energized and restored a sense of balance

in life

refreshed my lagging spirit.

Yoga

is helping me through this journey of grieving.

While grief is not predictable

when it does show up 

I am better equipped to ride the emotional waves

and 

allowing myself to feel the moments 

deeply

then move on...

The Humble Bungalow Blog

has been taking a back seat to real life.

Writing and publishing posts has been sporadic...

not much excitement to report

while life here has been routine...

some may even say dull

but that is exactly what I crave and need right now.

I hope you'll stay tuned...

 Spring is unfolding its beautiful wings

our humble bungalow garden is awakening

flowers are blooming

scents are wafting in the yard

birds are singing and building nests

the sun is shining

we sit and wait

for something to capture our attention 

something worthy of sharing.

Thank you for stopping by The Humble Bungalow Blog.

XO

Week three...being proactive by getting back into healthy routines.

What I kept...

Going through Mom's things took time as we did not want to rush the process...
there were a few surprises, but for the most part, it was what we might have expected from an organized woman
whose attention to detail was evident in everything she touched.

My sister and I donated most of her clothes...
I saved a grey cashmere sweater and have been wearing it most days.
It feels like a cozy warm hug...
it is as if mom has her arms firmly wrapped around me.

I also brought home some small red spatulas...the kind that one uses when scraping out the last of the mayonnaise or mustard out of a small jar. I don't know what moved me to keep them but they are a practical tool that I will use regularly and take up very little room in our small bungalow.

I kept her recipes in the vintage recipe box.

One afternoon in the coming week I will make a pot of tea and peruse her collection.

It could be like a trip back in time...

she had a large repertoire 

that ran the gamut 

from jello whips to apple pie and meat loaf.

                             Mom had oodles and oodles of knick knacks!
     She wrote a note that specified she was leaving me her antique Maling bowl...

                a blue and white porcelain plant pot finds a new home here
                                   

Mom's condo is listed on the market.

I'll miss sitting on the deck with mom sharing a chat and a cup of tea.

There will be so many things that I will miss...

our telephone calls

walks

shopping trips

laughter

these memories will help to comfort me

 The Humble Bungalow is scented with the heady fragrance of lilies.

(I remove the stamens as they stain everything)

On the horizon...

I plan to return to the practise of Yoga

 am looking at local studios and their schedules.

It really helps with relaxation and I feel energized after the sessions.

Walking is back in my daily routine but having been away from it for almost a month my muscles were reminding me of that saying...

"use it or lose it!"

Thankfully bath salts and soaking in the tub have been helping.

I've got the urge to buy something bright and colourful.

My wardrobe of greys and black feels like it could use a punch of colour.

I haven't felt like shopping in quite some time and this might just well be what they call "retail therapy!"

The days are getting lighter

there is birdsong outside the window

spring flowers are emerging

 simple joys

one delights in

that can temper the sadness

 enfold one in a firm embrace

almost as cozy 

as Mom's cashmere sweater...

There is a sense of relief after these busy few weeks.

The pace has slowed and I was able to indulge in a few quiet days

that were spent at home

getting domestics under control

teas and cafe cremes were sipped 

while gazing out the windows

and

flipping through several French magazines

Cote Sud and Campagne Decoration.

Speaking of France...

I have been wearing the samples that I ordered from the new musc collection

by 

 Sylvaine Delacoutre

The Dovana scent is lovely and may be the fragrance that I order

it has notes of iris, neroli, vanilla, and ambrette.

You might like them too.

I am not affiliated with Sylvaine and have received no remuneration for this mention.

Her website is here.

Hope that your weekend is ticking along nicely.

Thank you for stopping by...

XO

Week one....

It's been a week since Mom passed away.

Lots of things to do and little time for the blog

or for commenting 

on all your wonderful stories 

that you have so kindly shared

 about your experiences with death of loved ones...

mostly our Mothers.

Mother 

a picture taken at Christmas 

on our annual visit to Laurel Point

to view the decorated gingerbread houses.

We are using this for her obituary 

which will be published in the newspaper this weekend.

Beautiful bouquets in The Humble Bungalow.

This one, is from our dear friends in France.

It brought tears to my eyes when I read the card.

XO

Beauty abounds...

I adore green and white flowers.

I was home when these arrived and was able to sit and chat for a few minutes

with the special couple who brought them.

XO

Tulips from the bridge ladies.

XO

Members of our "adopted family" brought these!

XO

The grandchildren...

XO

The days are full and busy.

So many details to attend to and lots of phone calls to make.

Lawyers appointments

family to call

sorting

cleaning

Trying to keep things simple means not stressing about the "little things"

like cooking and eating WW friendly foods right now!

Something has to go out the window...

time for some comfort food.

Croissant for breakfast...

flaky and buttery

eaten slowly...

the flakes fluttering down onto the plate moistened by tears.

A skinny latte

with a little heart to start the day...

I will post your comments as they come in and please know that I appreciate and read each and every one.

At this demanding time 

I am unable tor respond individually to your comments.

I humbly apologize

but I think you'll understand.

Hope that you have a lovely weekend.

XO

Grieving ~ slowly putting one foot in front of the other...

Taking things slow...
from minute to minute
as the clock ticks and they turn into hours

Losing Mom, has so far, been the most painful thing I have ever experienced.
It has only a few days since she passed,
but I can already tell that this is a major life altering event,
so significant,
that it is difficult to put into words.

Tears fall freely
there's a lump in my throat that does not seem to go away...

I've been eating comfort food, drinking gin and tonics

and have stopped counting WW points.

I have considered not getting dressed and staying my pj's all day...

But instead, I get up have a cafe creme

hop in the shower

put on my make up

and

head over to Mom's condo to sort through her things.

there is some comfort in action and busyness

to be in Mom's condo 

surrounded by her things 

feels like home

but when I look toward her chair 

she is not there...

my heart aches

deeply

I notice that the garden is awakening from its winter slumber

right on cue as it does every year at this time.

The snowdrops are blooming.

Sunny yellow daffodils

Moistened by the rain

Nature reminds me of the cycles of life

beginnings

endings

Life goes on...

as surely as the spring bulbs open

the 

flowers appear

taking each day

each minute

to pause

reflect

thinking of Mom

and all she has done

to make our lives so special

her strength, wisdom, kindness and grace

will help guide me

as I walk along this painful path of grief

in her honour

I will put one foot in front of the other

move forward

slowly

one step at a time.

I found this card in mothers desk drawer...

She kept this card

 there were no others...

I wept when I opened the card

with tears rolling down my cheeks

 a moment in the silence

grieving

alone

this card is one of the treasures that I will keep 

the message so close to my heart 

in memory 

of my wonderful mom

Thank you for all your comments on the previous post.

I am overwhelmed by your kind and supportive thoughts

they mean a lot 

especially at a time like this...