Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Minding my own business...to a point!

Things have been quite busy today in and around The Humble Bungalow.
Sorting out some drawers that were too full, moving summer whites to the guest room closet for storage, wiping crumbs from the cutlery drawers in the kitchen.
Taking Mother to the flu shot clinic for our annual vaccines.


Mother has been under stress lately, which has necessitated that my sister and I offer her more support dealing with everyday events.
She has had some plumbing problems in her condo and now her fridge is on the fritz...phoning for plumbers and repair firms are the easy part. There are things that she needed to do to prepare for the tradesmen and she is a little overwhelmed by all the fuss. I totally understand and empathize but now I realize that we are on a very slippery slope...
I take over lunch, make tea and sit and knit while keeping her company.
We frequently work on the crossword puzzles...she starts them and when she gets stuck we finish them together!

Mother has been proactive about her financial affairs and is still able to go out and purchase food and her medications. She still drives a few blocks to the plaza and to the Avenue.

I am very sensitive not to "take over" things that she enjoys and looks forward to doing, there is a fine balance and I feel that I must respect her wishes as much as possible but I do not want to see her overwhelmed either...it is a challenge for me not to take charge!
One must be mindful and keep an watchful eye on the subtle clues and cues.

The weather here is overcast, cool, and rainy today...
perfect for spending time in the kitchen.

I find it so soothing cooking and baking...its not unlike a form of meditation.


Casual Week day dinner

~ On the Menu ~

'(recipes found online)


Chef Johns' BBQ ribs


Broccoli and Carrots
with
Scalloped potatoes

Nigella Lawsons' Chocolate Olive Oil Cake 
served with whipped cream.


Picked this book up from the local library 
ready to pop the kettle on and sit for a wee bit and escape...
to the 1930's in Provence with Ondine and Picasso.

Company should be here in a few hours but I have time to read a few chapters.


How is your week going?

~ Be Well and Be Kind ~

55 comments:

LPC said...

I used to find cooking pleasurable, I do now less and less. I am not sure why and I wish it was otherwise:(.

La Vie Quotidienne said...

There is nothing like baking on a rainy day...just something about it makes it right.

I saw that book and didn't check it out, now I will have to go back again and get it. You always recommend good books.

twix said...

Your table setting looks so nice and cozy. Setting a beautiful table is one thing that inspires me to cook for my family. You're doing well to support your mom but encouraging her to maintain as much independence as possible. Good for you!

Bonnie said...

I look forward to hearing what you think of Cooking for Picasso. Sounds fun!

Unknown said...

Deleted my original comment in order to rewrite it.
Such a fine line between helping & hindering as we support our elder loved ones.
I just love your sweet bungalow. Thanks for sharing it.

Dana said...

Hi Hostess! I work with the elderly and want you to know that I greatly admire your sensitivity and devotion to your mom. It is admirable how you are always thinking of her comfort. Love the sweet and cozy picture you paint of life at your bungalow. I am relocating soon and now think I want a bungalow too! Let us know what you think of your new book- always enjoy your recommendations.

Lorrie said...

Helping your mom without taking over requires a sensitivity and wisdom, which you have. Your casual dinner table and menu are both perfect for these cool and rainy October nights. Let us know how you've enjoyed the book.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

We all need to follow our bliss and if it does not feel right I think we should let it go...
for me repetitive things like laundry and cooking and ironing help me stay grounded.
If you used to love to cook...perhaps that love will return.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I love to spend time in the kitchen on a rainy or stormy day....I am only into the first few chapters of the book and so far I am enjoying it!

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

The MOM thing is a delicate area...one that concerns me.
I can cook for my family as long as I am able...it is one of my favourite things to do...gather the family around the table.
I hope that i am able to be the daughter that she wants me to be...
but if have to interfere at some point I pray that she forgives me...

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

So far so good...will keep you posted.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I am in the helping mode with MOM
...who knows what might be next?

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Oh a bungalow is a cozy place to call home...there are so many vast homes on the market and if you like to keep a tidy house and aspire to a minimal wardrobe, a small space might be just what you are looking for! The book is good and I am several chapters in...

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

It is a tricky territory that we navigate with our elderly parents...how much do we take on and how much do we insist upon? I pray that I have the wisdom required to be able to stand by and observe and not to dive in and interfere!

John Alexander & Cheryl Fortier said...

Thanks Leslie for the quick visit to your house and a chance to see the boys - they look great. Bonne courage with you Mom, big hugs for you and Brian,
xo

Patricia said...

You Mum sounds like she is doing very well, still driving a little and having independence. It is a fine line with helping them as they age, and if they become resentful they can close off the communication. You sound like you have just the right touch in helping your her. Your dinner table looks cosy and warm, perfect for the cooler weather. Think I might look for the Picasso book on Kindle.

Stephen Andrew said...

It is a hard position to be in. It's wonderful that you are in the same town. I always think how hard it would be to live away from family when they need a bit of day to day help. I've been enjoying the fall weather for my kitchen as well! Yesterday between clients I took on the Herculean task of cleaning my pantry. I quickly realized it should have been saved for a day off. Not something to be squeezed in between other things

DaniBP said...

Your home is looking lovely as ever, I think it would be so cozy on a rainy day. I really admire the approach you are taking to caring for your Mom, so many people get frustrated with older people. But getting older is the pits as my Nana used to say and we should all remember that. Your thoughtfulness is showing you to be a wonderful daughter, your Mom is lucky. xx

Anonymous said...

Oh Leslie, this post really hit home with me. I love to bake, but don't often do it as then we have too many baked goods for our own good...I love soups and casseroles, but have no talent for presentation as you do. We have a home similar to yours and I enjoy seeing bits of your lovely bungalow and hoping one day our repairs and restorations will be finished. Mostly though, your post resonated in the area of elder care. My mom lives with us now, and it is a delicate balancing act to be watchful, and yet give her some measure of independence (all the while she becomes more dependent). I am reminded daily that many women my age no longer have their mothers and how lucky I am to have mine, and have her here with me.
Thank you for sharing your home and your thoughts with us. Jen.

Madame Là-bas said...

Maman is very touchy about getting older. My sister and I have to be sensitive in our remarks about ageing and our offers of help. I've been making some WW-friendly meals since the rains came. I've discovered a green-grocer/flower shop within a pleasant walking
distance so I will do a shortish solo walk with purpose. I've got cupboards and drawers to sort again. I enjoyed the Picasso and his Muses show at VAG this summer. I've 3 books on reserve at the library so next week will be a reading week. Enjoy the rest of the week!

Kristien62 said...

Your dinner table is very inviting. I tend to forget dressing up the table for everyday dinners and how it enhances the meal. I should make a better effort.

Blessings to you and your mother. I wish every day that I could have mine back and do some things differently. Allowing your mother the dignity to continue her daily life as best she can is a wonderful gift.

And to Danielle, I have lived in a 1920's bungalow for 35 years and it gets better and better with time. It's amazing how many grand memories can be contained in such a small home.

Anonymous said...

It is a fine line between taking care and still respecting wishes of the dear parent- some kind of wire dance every day
I'm sure,with your kindness and tenderness,you are doing an excellent job
Lucky you to have one another!
With your menus you are following the changes in nature perfectly
Dottoressa

MabonMoon said...

I always enjoy your posts and photos. Your table looks lovely, your home looks so cozy and your kitties are adorable. One of those would be the same rascal that tried to go fishing on your yoga mat (something I still chuckle about.) I admire your approach to helping your mom; she is so lucky to have you as a daughter. My own mother had Alzheimer's for 10 years and was in residential care for the last five. She just passed at the end of September and I grieve for her loss. I think it is a process that takes time... All my best to you, Violet.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Hello you two! I think of you both often and can visualize you living a rich French life in that gorgeous village.
Thank you for your kind and caring words...

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I hope that I can maintain a sense of calm as Mom's needs become greater...she is a strong willed woman and does not like to have any "hired help" in her home. I on the other hand, love having help!
Dinner was tasty and we enjoyed our visit with Jennifer, our daughter and Nick, her husband as they prepare for their departure for their 5 week honeymoon to NZ and Australia!

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

We are fortunate that we live close by...I can walk to moms' condo in about 5 minutes! My sister needs to drive and she is about 45 minutes away.
Cleaning the pantry is a BIG job! Cupboards and drawers quickly get messy!
You might have been better to tackle just one shelf at a time!

I cleaned out my fridge this morning after seeing Mom's fridges' contents emptied out for the repairmen I decided I better tend to mine too.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Getting old must be the pits! Not old like me in my 60's but old like mom who will be 90 in June!
Mom is confused about things that she never thought twice about before so we need to be patient and explain things to her...she gets rattled easily and I have seen her get angry with us and I think it is juts her frustration coming out.
If I thought that my sister and I could take over all her bill paying we would as we both have signing authority but she loves to go to the bank and chat with the tellers..they call he by name and she takes them chocolates!

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Opening your home to your mother is a very generous gesture as you are taking on the care giving.
We are fortunate to have our mothers in our lives...I am very grateful.
Our bungalow has been a labour of love and we have been here since the early 1980's...there are still things we have to work on!
I do not think that I am gifted with presentation...all I do is set the table...please give yourself more credit you are more talented than you realize!
I like to look at blogs with homes and table settings that look like they could be in a magazine like Veranda...then I look at our humble bungalow and realize that we live an honest and understated lifestyle and our decor must reflect that simplicity.
The same goes for my wardrobe...understated and simple, honest and reflects my personal style.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I love that you have discovered a new green grocer that stocks what you need and sells flowers! Flowers are a lovely way to add ambiance on these dreary grey days.
It is comforting to know we are not alone with our approach to our aging parents.
I hope that I will age graciously and that I will know when to ask for help...
I also believe that stubborn, strong willed women are better equipped to be independent and it might be that if we take away their power that they would decline quite quickly...I have no scientific basis for this theory...it is just that my observations of the elderly who are in care seem to lose a lot of their zest for life.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I agree with you about the memories when one lives in a home for many years...this has been our experience too.
We have lived in our home about the same length of time...

When Mr. HB and I have dinner by ourselves at night I do not fuss at all.
We serve the dishes right from the pots and pans!
Company deserve better so I usually try to set a pretty table.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I hope that Mother would agree! That fine line is definitely going to be a dance!

Anonymous said...

Your thoughts on your mother are very timely for me. I am also helping my parents who at 87 and 89 do not want to leave their home but whose needs are increasing practically on a weekly basis. My four siblings and I to varying degrees want to step in and make decisions for them and when they are resistant we tend to react with frustration. There is an interesting post by the author Danielle Steele on her website this week about this topic. I admire your wisdom, kindness and sensitivity but I am not surprised--it is apparent in everything you write.
Teresa

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Yes that was the bigger cat Pepper...I still have that yoga mat with the fish on it and the scratches! Mr. HB's mom is in care and has Alzheimers, she has been in care for quite a few years and it is very hard to watch her decline. I empathize with your situation Violet and my condolences to you on your loss.
Hope your week has some bright spots...the autumnal scenery here is quite lovely

Becky said...

I'm just preparing to visit my 93 year old mother and watching for the same cues. It's hard being far away.
I have that book on order from the library too.
Your table looks lovely. Bet those ribs were delish!

Our French Oasis said...

It's a very fine line to look after elderly relatives whilst also making sure we give them the freedom they so rightly still deserve. We have carrots and broccoli virtually every single evening with the children, plus a selection of other changing vegetables too, but these two are always part of the meal! I love baking at this time of year, it's cooler and there is something terribly homely about cooking in the warmth of the kitchen.

marmielu said...

Oh, Leslie, I am glad you seem have a patient attitude towards your mother's challenges. Also, that you and your sister can work together to help her.
Hope your dinner was fun.......and the cats look very impressive!
Mary Lou

thepoutingpensioner said...

Sounds like you're handling your mother's situation perfectly together with your sister.
It's lovely to see the cats together, a rare shot. Are they brothers?
And I'm so impressed that with everything prepped in such an organised fashion, you are able to read peacefully for few hours. What a calm, controlled picture you paint, entertaining with ease

Jeannine said...

Leslie, I do admire you and your approach with your mother. Your kindness and wisdom comes through in your words. Very inspiring. My parents are 80 and 81 and are not yet at the point of needing assistance. You certainly are a role model when that time comes for me.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear your Mother is feeling a bit overwhelmed. Aging is not easy. Your attentive, loving and kind approach is ideal. Great you are very close by and able to assist her.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Hi Teresa,
Many of us are going through this same journey...you are fortunate that you can share it with your 4 siblings. That should make it much easier if you take turns supporting your parents and hopefully you can support each other through the process. I hope you can persuade your mother and father to accept a few modifications a bit at a time until they really need you all to intervene.
I try to put myself in my mother's shoes and look at the situation from her perspective...before I act.I hope that if we take Baby steps peppered with laughter and love things will work out for the best.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

The ribs were good...we had the leftovers tonight.
Hope you have a fabulous visit with your mom Becky!
We will get together when you return...

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I love carrots and Mr. HB loves broccoli...I usually cook both so we are both happy and content. I try to buy vegetables that are in fresh and in season as they are less expensive.
The kitchen offers warmth when the cold wind blows through the single paned windows here in our draughty humble bungalow!

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

My sister and I are both aware of Mothers situation and we will need to be on the same page when it comes to what we can do to support her as things start to deteriorate...at the moment we have some different ideas as to how to best meet Moms' needs.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

The cats are both rescue cats and not related...the big one is Pepper who was found in a farmers' field on the Saanich peninsula locally and the small one, Chester came from California.
I like to have meals prepped even our daily dinners...but when entertaining it is even more important as I want to enjoy the guests.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Thank you Jeannine...
I hope that your parents do not need your help for many years.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Mom has done so much for me over the years that I feel it is my duty to help her and to treat her with the utmost respect and kindness.

Julie said...

You're very lucky to live so close to your Mom so you can help her. I had the opposite and it was extremely stressful.

Poppy Q said...

You seem to be doing a fabulous job with your mum. It is hard watching them decline and in the end all you can do is be there to make things easier.

Julie Q

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Julie I cannot imagine how distressed you felt...I think just pondering the distance that it would be incredibly stressful.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I'd like to think that I can make everything better...
but that is just me trying to FIX a situation! I actually have no control over the situation...only the control as to how I react to the situation!

Karen said...

You're doing a wonderful job caring for your mother and I understand the emotions you deal with on a daily basis. My mother is 96 and is still in her own home. I live a quarter mile away and visit her twice a day to dispense her medications and visit. I'm her only surviving child and though we've always had a great relationship, she does sometimes chafe at the restraints I've enforced. I had to take the car keys two years ago; and that did not go well; she still feels almost violated by my insisting it was time to let me do the driving. But at 94, her reaction time was not what it used to be and I feared harm would come to her and/or others on the road. She was also forgetting what day she was on; for instance, heading to church on a weekday; how long before she forgot where she was going and was lost? My late father announced to me at age 85 that I would be his chauffeur and I was elated, thank goodness he knew his limitations! but Mom was not so inclined.

You are navigating these strange waters the same way I am; all we can do is observe how they are doing on a daily basis and be as patient as possible while helping them maintain their dignity. One thing that has helped us immensely was putting cameras in my mother's house (four of them) which I can monitor from afar with my smartphone. This way I can check on her multiple times a day to make sure she's ok. Bless you for being there for your mother, I do know how challenging this life change can be. :-)

Unknown said...

Hi. Love the table setting and the two lovely cats. I don't do much bakink...

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

Hi Karen, Thank you for your comments here I am a wee bit behind in responding but better late than never!
My goodness your mom is doing well to be in her own home....and great that you are so close by to lend a hand. 94 years is much longer than I would think most people would be comfortable driving but I agree with you it was probably safer for everyone that you took the keys away! Not easy either but you have her best interests at heart...the cameras must give you peace of mind.

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

I don't bake for just Mr. HB and I...
I love to bake when we are entertaining company for a meal or for the grand children!

Cate said...

I love Chef John and since I retired I have more time to try his recipes and I've never made one that didn't turn out. The ribs on your grill looked fabulous, I'll definitely look on line for this recipe or video.